Human Interactions-Smile

I am one of those women who do not like shopping. Clothes shopping causes a headache, and grocery shopping is simply a necessity to get through once a week.

Having said that, I get to tell you the best part of any shopping trip to any store. Ready?? When I finally get to check out line, first I get to stand there so long that I can read all the latest gossip and fashion news from the magazines and “rags” that line the aisle before you get to the belt. No silly, that isn’t the best part that’s the lead in; here comes the absolutely best.

Starting a Conversation

When a tired, bored and completely apathetic clerk says to me “How are you today.” Boy, that is the best leading line in the whole world. So I have a couple of stock answers that I keep on hand to use dependent on my mood ( playful vs thoughtful).

My best line is “I am old, tired, fat, and ugly. How about you?” There are two ways to say this, again depending on the mood. The first is slow, quiet, and resigned; as if I am seeking affirmation that my world isn’t so bad. The second is a bit louder and almost belligerent, as if announcing to the world that I don’t care what they think, I know the truth and am not afraid to admit it. Most times, they stop what they are doing and actually look at me, then determine from the smile on my face that (a) I might be kidding, or (b) I am old, tired fat and – well- not really ugly, but I have asked them a question that must also be answered in our polite society. So they are processing what they heard and trying to find an appropriate response that will not irritate the customer. Now, I am not holding up the line by asking the question, this whole process only takes a few seconds, but it is an interesting interaction, and I love watching the face of the person who has to deal with me. I get my small pleasures where I can. So now the checker is ready with the answer and she smiles and says something like “you’re not that old” and then tells me that she is fine while she continues to fill the bags with my stuff. Then there are the checkers that are a lot more human, they really look at me, they really think, and then they respond more kindly addressing the total issue, “well, believe me, you don’t look at all old, fat or ugly, and you look pretty lively to me. I hope your day gets better dear, and I’m doing okay too.” And she invariably says this with a concerned smile on her face. Wonderful stuff this human exchange idea.

One of my other show stoppers, when asked how I am, is something I probably heard somewhere but don’t remember where. “Better than most, not as good as some.” They look at me funny, then either smile or laugh. I have again made them think. Then I go on to add that the first part of my statement is bare-face honesty, the second part is my humility showing . Then they do laugh and ask me if they can “borrow that line?” Of course I say sure, but advise them that the statement is a powerful tool offering self affirmation when needed and at the same time a gentle reminder that no one is all powerful. That usually makes them think again about what I said, and they tell me I am right. Now when we smile and say good bye, we are not just a customer and a checker, we have become just a touch more real to each other.

Let's Not Get Too Confused

And then we come to my favorite line. This one is usually said rather fast, but not so fast that it isn’t clear. The checker asks her question, “how are you today?’ I hesitate just for a moment as if pondering the most important question ever asked. Then I say, “Been Better, Been Worse, Like Better Better.” I have no idea if I said that first, or someone else did, but I like the line. I have had better days, even if today is my best day in some way, there has been a better day behind me somewhere. And no matter how bad today is going so far, believe me when I say I have had worse days. And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that we all like better better. Well, anyhow, the checker ( why are they all usually women?) looks up because she didn’t get the stock “fine” answer she was expecting, and again, I have smiled, and hopefully made her smile , if just for a second. I feel better, she feels better and we have each changed just a bit by having connected with another human being during the course of our daily life.

Don't Forget The Human Factor

Sometimes in this hectic world of ours we forget there are others out there who intertwine with our lives for just a moment here and there. We don’t stop to consider them as people, we don’t talk with them, we throw out banal pleasantries and keep on going. And we both lose because of this. The world can be a lot more interesting and fun if we take the time to encourage interaction – live and in person- with others. We spend hours sending text messages or emails, but we don’t talk to each other anymore. Most people do need contact, most people appreciate contact, and most people will respond very nicely to any gentle attempt you make to reach out.

Please feel free to go ahead and use any of these lines if you dare. It can start a conversation, can make the participants feel involved and maybe better because you actually spoke to someone you might otherwise not have.